Many managers, team leaders and supervisors I work with seem to
have a real knack for making their performance appraisal meetings suck.
They don't mean to do this (well most don't) but they often tell me they
just can't make these meetings work. When I ask them to talk me through
how they prepare for the meeting a number of issues consistently arise.
So, here are 5 ways you can prepare to ensure your performance
appraisal meetings fail - just in case you need to!
1. Talk the system down, down, down
It's critical to ensure that everyone (and particularly new recruits) is crystal clear what a total waste of time the appraisal meeting is. Be subtle though. Something on the lines of 'I'm really sorry Jack, it's that time of year again. HR says we've got to do the appraisal thing. Yeah, I know, who's got the time? Anyway let's get it over with as fast as possible so we can get back to the real work'
2. Postpone the meeting date - at least twice
This is a neat way to really underline the message of how little you value the appraisal meeting and, as a bonus, how little you value your staff member. Postpone the meeting as often as you can and for any reason you can. Particularly effective are reasons relating to, say, preparing a budget report or financial statement. Anything that says 'we value the numbers more than we value our people' should do nicely
3. Pick a lousy location
If possible hold the meeting somewhere noisy, too hot or too cold and smelly. Be sure you can guarantee a number of interruptions and that other people can overhear your conversation. Anywhere in an open plan office should work well. If you have to use a private office make sure the air conditioning or heating system is malfunctioning, that you are able to claim a seat that is i) bigger ii) higher iii) clearly more comfortable than the staff member's seat and that there is some light shining in their eyes. And don't, whatever you do, offer any refreshments. This is not a party
4. Do no preparation at all. None
Preparation is for wimps. It's much more effective to
a) Look blankly at the staff member when they enter the room and then begin frantically searching your desk drawer, then filing cabinet, then waste paper basket for a copy of the objectives you agreed 12 months ago at the last meeting. Don't worry about not finding them - they're 9 months out of date anyway
b) Attempt to give feedback based on only the vaguest understanding of
• What the staff member's job is
• What effective performance looks like for their job (performance objectives and standards)
• How the staff member has actually performed against the objectives and standards (and don't
even think about using objective, fact- based examples)
• Areas of outstanding performance ('nice job Dibley' will suffice)
• Areas for development (' a bit more oomph' will do nicely)
5. Do not encourage the staff member to prepare. Ever
The very last thing you want is to encourage the staff member to have an opinion on their
• performance
• achievements and successes
• areas for development
• job satisfaction needs
Why would you? You don't intend to ask them about any of this so why bother?
Summary
So there we have it. Five easy ways to ensure your preparation for the performance appraisal meeting results in a total waste of time and a totally demotivated staff member. Of course, if you would like the opposite result, you could try taking the opposite approach. Just an idea
1. Talk the system down, down, down
It's critical to ensure that everyone (and particularly new recruits) is crystal clear what a total waste of time the appraisal meeting is. Be subtle though. Something on the lines of 'I'm really sorry Jack, it's that time of year again. HR says we've got to do the appraisal thing. Yeah, I know, who's got the time? Anyway let's get it over with as fast as possible so we can get back to the real work'
2. Postpone the meeting date - at least twice
This is a neat way to really underline the message of how little you value the appraisal meeting and, as a bonus, how little you value your staff member. Postpone the meeting as often as you can and for any reason you can. Particularly effective are reasons relating to, say, preparing a budget report or financial statement. Anything that says 'we value the numbers more than we value our people' should do nicely
3. Pick a lousy location
If possible hold the meeting somewhere noisy, too hot or too cold and smelly. Be sure you can guarantee a number of interruptions and that other people can overhear your conversation. Anywhere in an open plan office should work well. If you have to use a private office make sure the air conditioning or heating system is malfunctioning, that you are able to claim a seat that is i) bigger ii) higher iii) clearly more comfortable than the staff member's seat and that there is some light shining in their eyes. And don't, whatever you do, offer any refreshments. This is not a party
4. Do no preparation at all. None
Preparation is for wimps. It's much more effective to
a) Look blankly at the staff member when they enter the room and then begin frantically searching your desk drawer, then filing cabinet, then waste paper basket for a copy of the objectives you agreed 12 months ago at the last meeting. Don't worry about not finding them - they're 9 months out of date anyway
b) Attempt to give feedback based on only the vaguest understanding of
• What the staff member's job is
• What effective performance looks like for their job (performance objectives and standards)
• How the staff member has actually performed against the objectives and standards (and don't
even think about using objective, fact- based examples)
• Areas of outstanding performance ('nice job Dibley' will suffice)
• Areas for development (' a bit more oomph' will do nicely)
5. Do not encourage the staff member to prepare. Ever
The very last thing you want is to encourage the staff member to have an opinion on their
• performance
• achievements and successes
• areas for development
• job satisfaction needs
Why would you? You don't intend to ask them about any of this so why bother?
Summary
So there we have it. Five easy ways to ensure your preparation for the performance appraisal meeting results in a total waste of time and a totally demotivated staff member. Of course, if you would like the opposite result, you could try taking the opposite approach. Just an idea
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